just wondering

How does Heavenly Father forgive us so easily, even if it's something that we do over and over again? How come we cannot????

blessings

So this morning, I woke up feeling like I wanted to rob a bank. Let me state LOUD AND CLEAR that I never would, nor would I think it would be a good idea for anyone to do it, just felt like it. I was thinking of all the un-expected bills that we had pop up this month

fuel pump for the van, 

retainers for 2 kids (insurance only covers half ),

Root Canal for me,

new windshield for the car (more later)

I was feeling the pressure of "REALLY???" This is ridiculous how much it will cost. First I wished I knew  mechanics so I could do it myself, and maybe learn a thing or two about putting in windshields. Then I thought maybe I should become a dentist and do my own root canal an make my kids retainers. Then I though if I robbed a bank I could pay for it all. But, me knowing where that thought from shooed it out of my head almost as quick as it came. I knew 1) I would NEVER do it and 2) if I thought about it long enough I would feel guilty for even thinking about it. 

So I readied myself for the dentist. I have such a nice dentist. I am not a good patient. I take ativan for anything other that just a cleaning. He knows I am jumpy and that it's probably in his best interest to just give it to me. So he was checking out my tooth.

He looks at me and says "I have a test I am going to do"

I said "Is it the freezing test?" 

"Yes ma'am" he replied (Why is he saying that when I don't live in the south?)

"Can't you just believe me?" I responded

He looks at me and said "I believe you. You don't have to have the freezing" 

If you know me at dentists, that was enough to make me wanna cry. I felt so grateful. I felt grateful that he knows me enough as a patient that it would hurt and that he knows I would not just be there for fun. He knows that my nerve is dying and just believes me.

I was on my way to Costco to get meds for M and me and thought to myself "I got up pretty grumpy. I was worried about all these expenses and had prayed to know how we could do it. But I feel so grateful. We have an amazing insurance plan that in 2 weeks will cover about $1500 worth of dental. It has also covered hundreds of dollars of figuring out M's asthma meds. I just felt so grateful that instead of worrying about that money, that it is covered. It's not there it's not a worry. I am so amazed at how much the Lord knows me, he knows the things I worry and panic about and how I feel overwhelmed. I am grateful. And I am really glad I don't feel like robbing a bank anymore.