“As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise.” Elder Richard G. Scott.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

On me and working

I have always had a job since I have been married. 
Actually since I was 14 and started work at the local Dairy Queen.
Technically 11 if you count me working my paper route.
I had a bit of time off for mat leave and moving leave but really, I have worked most of the time since we have been married. 

I have always considered myself fortunate to have a job where I can work around my childrens schedule and bring them to work with me if they are sick.
I have worked as a night auditor at a hotel (SCARY!), for a courier service, as an apartment manager, cleaning doctor's offices and as a contractor.

At the beginning of July, I felt like I should quit my job.
I spoke to the Mr. about it and he said if I could find another job I could quit. 
I was going in for surgery so who was going to hire me?
In September, I felt again like I should quit my job.
I was concerned about finances.
Then L told me he was not going back to school and asked me to homeschool him.
I talked to the Mr. again and got the same response. 

I was so busy trying to teach in the day and do my work in the evening.
I looked for an odd job here and there and just could not find something that fit me and what times I could work (after school)

In October, I felt the feelings stronger. 
I could not only feel like I should quit, I could feel in my heart my kids saying to me 
"Mom, I need you, all of you, not the working you."
I could hear their voices saying to me that they needed me to be home more.

I was nervous to quit my job.
It has been a great job and the income has really helped us with our financial goals.
I talked to the Mr. again and he said the same thing.

Christmas time is a busy time for my job.
THE busiest. 
I was out working one day and called the Mr. to help me finish my job. 
There was no way I could do it all on my own.
He came to help, not at all happy to be there helping.
He was frustrated and in that frustration, I got an answer to prayers. 
He looked at me and said "I want you to quit your job!"
I looked at him and said, "DONE!"

I am so grateful that I KNOW I need to be done work.
When I look at it, my kids DO need me, ALL of me.
They need my attention to be with THEM, ALL of them.
They need me to be available to help out with school work, shuttle them here and there, be a mom to them and sit and talk all night, not to be pre-occupied with work. 

The night I went in and gave my boss notice I was tucking my favorite 1 year old in.
He rolls over and snuggles into me and says, "Mom, thank-you for quitting you job for me."

I know this means changes in my life, and almost all for the better! 
The thing I am most nervous about is our budget BUT I know I am doing what the Lord wants me to do. 
I know we will be okay.
I am grateful for Mr. M and his hard work in a difficult job.

Three cheers!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


Happiness is having your very favorite 12 year old come home after being away with your parents for 11 days and getting the BEST hug from him. 
It was the sweetest "I love you mom" hug ever.
I have actually gotten about 10 today.
I am so grateful he got to go to SLC, Moscow, ID, see the Christmas devotional, listen to laugh radio and read the book "Chester I love you"
I am so grateful he had safe travels.
I am so grateful he got to spend so much time with parents.
I am grateful he is home.
I love him.

Saturday, December 14, 2013


Today, I am grateful for Miracles.
Answers to prayers and MIRACLES.
Love to my friend who received a miracle.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

To the lady...

(This may come out as mean but I am not trying to be mean, just document how I feel)

To the lady who told me that by homeschooling my son, he would turn out weird.
Honestly, your opinion is not one I care about.
( I don't really know you so why would I care?)
I don't know why you would feel like I would care about your opinion if you gave it.
Would you listen to me if I said things about your kids?
Especially if it was negative?
Probably not and I would understand.

It is a comment though that has rolled around in my head every now and again.
I don't really let it bug me. 
I did until I realized I didn't put value on this person's opinion.

But there are moments that it comes to mind and I think
"If this is weird then I will take weird any day!"

Moments like this.
This morning I was in my room while my son was working on math. 
He comes into my room, gives me a hug, looks at me and says "Mom, I love you."
For a young man who is not an overly affectionate kid at all, this is a moment that makes my heart soar!

There are times he comes to me perplexed with a problem and says 
"Mom, I need your help with something. I am just not able to understand this question."
For a young man who has a very hard time asking for help, let alone say he does not understand something, this is huge.
And apparently weird.
I will take weird any day!

There are times when we sit down to read our scriptures together. 
Sometimes he directs the conversation, sometimes I do.
I would not have thought of my son learning to direct Gospel discussions was weird but I will take it.

There was one day I could tell he was just going to struggle thru Math.
That day could have turned into a terrible day for him.
I had the prompting to change Math to making cookies for his Young Men's President.
L really respects and loves his YM's president.
The whole day changed around when he found out he would be making multiple recipes of cookies (doing Math fractions!) 
But his whole attitude was SO much better.
If it is weird that he can learn to serve those who serve him and have a good time doing it, then weird it is!

I have watched my little man learn to love and care for his parents and siblings in a way he never has before.
I have watched him learn to be able to say kindly that he does not agree with me and cause a big fight over something so little.
I have seen a young man become confident in himself, who he is and what he stands for.
I have seen a young man grow closer to the Lord.
I have seen him realize his OWN worth.
I have seen this young man become a peacemaker!
I don't know how that could be considered weird at all.
In fact, these are all traits that I have wanted for him but for the past 12 years, really struggled to know how to help him.
In the 2.5 months we have been homeschooling, I have seen such growth in this young man.
I am proud that he asked me to homeschool him!
I am grateful he has trusted me enough to ask him to do this for him.
I am grateful to be at home so I CAN!
I am grateful to be able to learn alongside him.
I am BEYOND grateful for a great school board who helps me so much.
I am MORE THAN GRATEFUL for those who have walked this path of homeschooling before me and have guided me.
I am grateful that there is a Math Curriculum out there that I don't have to come up with on my own!
I am grateful for those that have helped me to create other curriculum.
I am grateful for learning opportunities with my son that make me realize how blessed I truly am.

L-man, I love you more than you could know.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Just wanting to document today

Today has been a L work at his own pace kind of a day. 
I usually like to be done school when we can but today, I knew if I tried to rush, it could turn our day for the worse. 
We had nothing else we needed to do, no where we needed to go.
I woke up with a migraine and a kink in my neck.
I was not pushing him to work faster than he can.
We were finishing up the day with making gliders.
We finished the experiment and when school was done, L looks at his little sister and says, "Let's take this experiment outside!"
He helped her get bundled up for the outside.
I watched as he lovingly did up her zipper on her jacket and helped her find her mittens.
I can hear them outside now.
I knew I would enjoy homeschooling.
I really love it!
I love the bond I have been able to develop with my son.
I love watching him learn.
I love seeing him be kinder, sweeter, less stressed.
I LOVE the no homework!!!
I love him.

Monday, November 18, 2013

How is it?

How is it that I have been a mom for just over 12 years and I feel more in love with my children today than I did the day they were born?
I remember the feeling so distinctly when they were born, a love so strong that it overcame me with emotion.
I remember thinking just after each of them were born, "There is no way I could love my child more than I do at this exact moment."
Apparently for me, that is not true.
I love them so much deeper now than I ever thought I could.
And for that, I am grateful.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Life long learning

I had a feeling in July that school(for my kids) for the 2013-2014 school year would be hard. I really wanted M to repeat kindergarten. Mr. M did not. She was the absolute youngest child enrolled in kindergarten last year and it showed. Sometimes it was quite painful to watch. I had talked to her teacher back in May and she recommended her repeating a year. Mr. M and I never really did come to an agreement that she would repeat, I just really felt so strong that she should. I enrolled her in kindergarten and have never been so happy to make a choice to hold her back. Oh the changes! She is CONFIDENT! She KNOWS her stuff! Before it was watching the little fish in the ocean doing all she could to try and swim with the big fishes and never catch up to them. When I looked at it long term, I didn't want that for her for life. I didn't want her to feel like she was never good enough. Like no matter how hard she tried she would never be able to accomplish the same schoolwork as the other kids. I kept thinking "If it was this painful now, what would it be like when she is a teenager?" I could see some really horrible experiences flash before my eyes and I just wanted SO much more for her! I love watch her come home and talk about school and what she did in such a confident way! LOVE IT!

B is in grade 5 this year. What a brilliant little man he is! He is always running behind because he has his nose in a book. Always! I love how much he loves to learn. His teacher is absolutely phenomenal! She taught L grade 5 and I was really hoping that she would teach B. The way she teaches is in such a way that he learns and sucks the info up like a sponge. B is my natural born sportsman. I have never before in my life seen a child who focuses so much on sports! I love it because it is him, it is who he is. He is in Karate again this year. I LOVE watching him in his sport. He has this level of concentration that I don't see elsewhere. He changed his musical kata this year and got to design some of it himself. It is a great kata! He did wonderful at his fall tournament.

L is in grade 7 this year. L is being homeschooled this year! That is by far the biggest change in my life this year. I didn't have much notice with his decision to homeschool so I felt like I was just swimming for the first few weeks. Now I don't feel so much like I am swimming. I am really loving it and learning more than I did when I was in grade 7! I was way more interested in other things than school. What I love the absolute most is the time I get to spend with him. It does a moms heart good to spend this much time with her 12 year old! He is by FAR the happiest I have EVER seen. I really wish I could describe it but maybe it is just something I need to feel inside myself to know that this is the right decision. I have been so blessed with a few friends who are brilliant at homeschooling and have helped me so much along the way.

Life is such a blessing. I just needed to remind myself that life will throw challenges at us but we always have beautiful moments that remind us how important the choices we make are.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

To the officer that gave me a ticket...

A few weeks ago on a Saturday morning, we pulled our license plate off our car to clean it and add the new year to the plate.
"If you take the plate off, give it a good wash, dry it, make sure the plate is warm, the sticker will stick better" I remember my dad telling me when I bought the car from him.
I sent Mr. Miller out to put the plate back on and forgot about it until later on in the day. 

I was out doing running around and had M in the car with me.
She really is the sweetest 5 year old around.
I was stopped at a light that had just turned red. 
I picked up my phone and sent my mom a quick text.
"Mom, can I use your club card at the store to get a discount on sugar" 

I waited for the light to turn green and when it did, I went.
About 2 kilometers down the road there was an officer in the right hand lane that was going slow.
I proceeded to pass him on the left hand side, not speeding at all. 
As soon as I passed him he got behind me, flicked on his lights (thank heavens no sirens!) and motioned for me to pull over.
All of a sudden all I could think about was the stupid license plate and thought Mr. M had not put the plate back on. 
I was panicking mildly.

When I pulled over, the cop approached me and asked if I knew why I was pulled over. 
All I could think about was that stupid plate.
"Please tell me I have my license plate on the back of the car"
"Yes Ma'am, your plate is on your car"

"You pulled me over because I sent a text at the light?"
"Yes Ma'am. Not only that but I saw you pick it up as you were driving down the road. I was going to let you get away with it but when you picked it up driving with your daughter I knew I could not let it go"

I KNEW I had not picked it up while I was driving down the road. 
I looked over and saw a chocolate bar next to me on the seat and explained to the officer that it was a chocolate bar that I broke off and gave a piece to my daughter.
He believed me but still had to give me a ticket.
Fair enough, I was the one that sent the text.

I have thought about this a LOT in the past few weeks.
We all have things in life that we do that we know we should not do.
I am not the only one who has done this, won't be the last.

But to the officer that gave me the ticket, I say THANK-YOU!
Thank-you for reminding me that more importantly than sending a text about sugar that I should be talking with my daughter at a red light. 
She is the best sugar a mother could have.
Thank-you for slowing me down enough to remind me to enjoy the moments with my children.
Thank-you for being kind to me in the pull-over.
Thank-you for teaching me that honesty is appreciated. 
He was grateful that I said I sent the text, that I didn't argue or fight him on it.
Thank-you for not giving me a ticket for not having my insurance but knew that I had it because I was being honest about texting.
Thank-you for being kind to my daughter and explaining that mommy is not a horrible person.
Thank-you for teaching my daughter to say "Mommy, no texting at red lights!" e.v.e.r.y.t.i.m.e we get in the vehicle.

I am grateful for lessons in life that come our way. 
They do not always come in the way I would like but $172 is a lesson I would rather pay than others that I can imagine.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Kinda sappy

Today I want to blog about my kids. 
I am going to turn comments off just because. 
Feel free to email me or message me if you know me.

Some days, I cannot get over how much I really truly LOVE my children.
They are these amazing little spirits that feed my soul.
This morning L was headed out the door and he realized that he forgot to kiss his little sister M goodbye.
He turned around so he could give her a hug and a kiss and said "I love you M!"
(this is a pre-teen boy)
She looks at him with a bit of mischievousness in her eyes and says "I love you too sweetheart"
At that moment, I knew I was the most blessed mom around.
I started to get a bit teary and said a prayer of gratitude that I have 3 children. 
Gratitude that they love each other.
Gratitude that they are willing to protect each other.
Gratitude that they are grateful for each other. 
People have asked me "How do you get your kids to love each other?"
To be honest, I am not sure what I have done.
I show them love, I give them love, I let them love, I let them show love.
When I had each of my kids, I let them be passed around so they could feel the love that people have for them and their soul.
When I had B, he was really close in age to L. 
So many people told me "Don't let your older one hold your baby"
I am so glad I ignored that advice!
I let him hold him, kiss him, hug him.
They are very close.
When I had M, the biggest problem was that I didn't have 2 kids, each of the boys was always wanting to be the one to hold her.
I let them help with everything, including diaper changes.
They bathed her, they changed her clothes, they burped her.
If I did it, they did it. 
Except nurse her.
Although B tried one time!
Poor little man didn't realize he didn't have the proper plumbing.

The past while I have been focusing on the kids having less time on the TV and computer.
What a blessing!
B has become the happiest little man around town!
He had become quite the grump, not any more!
He is happy, willing to help and be helped, kind and considerate.
I knew it was a good thing when I felt that prompting.

M has been walking around the house all day saying stuff like, "I love you mom" "I just love that you are my mom" "I love being here"
This is the kind of day that is filling my cup and making me feel like my cup runneth over.
I am so grateful for them blessing my life.

I love you my kids,

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Loved it!

There is this little constant thing about mothering.

I know in my family, we need to make changes.
NONE of us are perfect, but I would hope that at the end of the day, we each tried our best.
Over Christmas holidays, I felt very strongly like computer time and tv time needed to be limited.
It's hard because Mr. M does not really feel the same as me.
I realize that we grew up in different environments.
He grew up watching tv, we only had rabbit ears and rarely watched tv.
I knew that I had been given that prompting for a reason. 
We have 2 tv's in our house, one up, one down. 
Mr. M is the one who goes downstairs to watch tv.
The computer is upstairs so it's quite easy to limit time on the computer.

I made it a goal to be up before the kids so I could work hard to have the tv and computer off when they rolled out of bed.
They like to come out and flip on the tv, drives me insane! 
There are several changes I have noticed in our kids.
They are HAPPIER!
They play more with their siblings!
Their imagination's are absolutely fantastic!
They are more willing to help out around the house!!!
They have wanted to spend more time with me or Mr. M just doing things that don't require them to be "entertained" just plain old fun, like playing Risk!

I would love this year to work harder at each of us spending less time on the computer and parked in front of the tv, doing mindless things.
I want my children to learn to just "be"
By that, I want them to learn they don't have to be entertained, that they have these amazing little minds and they are so creative. 
That they don't need a computer or a tv to tell them what to do, that they can fly with their own imagination.
So many times when we are out I will give them my phone so they can look thru pictures (I don't have any games on my phone)
I want them to learn to enjoy the moment for what it is and that while the pictures on my phone are fun and mostly of them, I want them to be able to be comfortable with who they are and that they don't have to have a phone or something to entertain themselves. 
Sometimes when I get a prompting as a mom I feel clueless as to why or how it will fall into place.
But you know what, it always works out for the best.
Every time!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Theme for new year

I have been thinking about what I would like my theme to be for next year
As I look back at the past year, I was able to see how situations defined me
Some were good, some were bad
It made it very easy for me to decide on my theme for me for next year

"Let the good define you"

I looked back to this past year and saw how I let negative situations define me
I didn't really like that I did that
Sometimes, I focused on those way more than they deserved my focus
I want to be a better person, I want to be a better person, I want to see the good
The only way I can do that is to FOCUS on the GOOD
There is SO much GOOD out there but for me and who I am, I sometimes let the not so good get to me instead of learning from it and moving on

I know this year will be full of challenges that will come my way and I have a choice
I know that it is my responsibility to choose 
And my hope is that by the end of 2013, I will have let the good define me!