“As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise.” Elder Richard G. Scott.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

I made a choice...

I made a choice. 
For one week, I decided to not complain.
It was not the easiest thing I have ever done. 
I made very specific rules for me based on the kinds of complaining I do often.
If someone asked me to do something and I didn't want to, I could not say "UGH"
I would say "Thank-you" instead.
If I was upset with something, I could play it over and complain about it in my head.
I needed to try and find something positive about the situation.
I could not make negative assumptions about other people.
For instance, I was driving and parked too far out in an intersection. A lady was turning and I was in her way. She didn't look too pleased with me. I started thinking "Oh man, she is just not happy with me" As I was trying to think about how to change it around I said to myself "Maybe she just does not have a normally happy face" 
I didn't want to complain for the sake of having something to say.
I didn't want to complain about life, family, whatever it be. 
I wanted to LEARN.
I wanted to challenge myself. 
I knew that the week would not be easy.
I knew I would be challenged.
I am so grateful I did this challenge!

I found out a few things about myself during that week.
When I complain, sometimes I make judgments.
When I complain, I become miserable.
When I complain, my family is grumpier.

I want to have a happier home.
I know I have influence on people.
I can be positive and happy.
I am can be happy in un-happy situations.

I am not going to complain for the rest of the year.
Feel free to join me!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Difficult people

( Let me preface this by saying that I realize that MY definition of a difficult person is probably totally different than your definition, and that I realize that I am considered a difficult person to some people)

I have never been a fan of people who are difficult
Some are difficult on purpose
Some are difficult so they can get their own way
Some are difficult just because that is who they are

I have never really known HOW to deal with someone who is difficult, no matter their "reason" for being difficult
For a long time, I would eat
I would bottle up my feelings inside and go out of my way to not deal with them

I have decided to do things a bit differently now
I have decided to look at people who are difficult as a blessing
Yep, a blessing
I have been trying VERY HARD to change the way I look at things and have a better outlook on life

For me, looking at someone who is difficult as a blessing has helped me change myself 
When I see someone who is being difficult (often bullying!), I say to myself 
"Thank-you. Thank-you for being a great example to me of who I don't want to be"

When I was telling someone about it they really didn't get my point of view
I didn't expect them to, it was just my point of view
But as I watched this situation unfold, saw how MAD, frustrated, hurt, upset the person who was being treated unfairly became, I knew that I had made a choice that was good for me
I had not wasted my time, energy, attention and focus was not lifted from my priorities because of this person acting the way they were
Instead I took the way they were treating me and others and made a pact with myself 

That I would never treat others as they had treated us

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Normally I know what I will type as a heading before I start writing.
Not today.

This morning M, who is 4, woke up mostly happy.
She came out and was talking to her brothers before they left for school.
When they left she says to me "Mom, let's go to your bed and snuggle for a minute"
So we climbed under the 3 super warm blankets and talked for about 15 minutes.
I loved every second of it.
She wanted to talk about boys (surprize there!), school, cooking, her brothers, her dad, the colour purple, her cousins that she misses and patterns. 
I sat there and watched her eyes sparkle as she talked the whole time.
It was a moment where I knew that I would never get it back. 
I knew that no matter how busy my life was, I spent those 15 minutes doing the best thing I could be doing.

I spent the rest of the day just feeling so grateful.
Grateful for a little 4 year old who is headstrong but loveable.
Who has this wild curly hair that she will spend a good 20 minutes doing.
Who loves to try and sneak my makeup on.
Who has a mind like a sponge.
Who really, truly, honestly LOVES her brothers.
Who will colour anything she can get her hands on.
Who is fantastic at helping with the laundry!
Who loves to "help" me cook.
Who has these super cute little dimples when she smiles.
Who loves little kids. 

I am so grateful she came to our family. 
What a blessing she is.

Friday, October 19, 2012

I am not your typical mother

(This story ends well, don't worry)

I have some very specific rules in my house.
The first to follow the ten commandments.
The second, and no, I am not joking, is that I do NOT clean puke.
I have been a mother for 11+ years and I will do anything but clean puke.
My kids know this and Mr. Miller knows that if he wants to clean just one mess, he cleans up after the kids puke.

The other day B came home and said he didn't feel well. 
I personally thought he was trying to get out of going to karate. 
He SEEMED well enough to pester his brother and sister so I made him go and do his flyers. 
We walk in the door and 5 minutes later, he got sick.
I guess that's what I get for thinking that he was faking it.
Good thing Mr. Miller was around to clean it.

M faked sick all day yesterday. 
She often does this for attention.
B was sick and got it so she figured she would.
This morning she said she was not feeling great but honestly, had not shown one sign of being sick, so off to school she went.

I get a call at 9:45 that she puked in the classroom. 
Mr. Miller was at work alllllllllll day long and that means that I would have to clean any messes.
My MIL went and got her since I was working (thank-you!) and when I showed up at the house she had not puked again.
I was thinking I was in the clear and that she would not puke again.
And then she learned something.
She learned how much I really do not handle puke.
(I drive for work so on days like this and she is sick, she can come with me)
After a few times of her getting sick, she realized that momma don't do well.
Then she became a terd.
She would wretch LIKE she was puking, I would FREAK out and she would laugh and say "Gotcha"
Seriously, I am in more trouble than I can imagine when she becomes a teenager.
She got a kick out of it.
That said, she learned how serious I am about her hitting the bucket.

I learned (again) and more importantly what amazing boys I have.
L is my 11 year old. 
He says to me "Mom, you know I have no school on Monday. If you and M are still sick, I will take care of you. You can lay down, tell me what to do and I will make you lunch"

I could not be more blessed with the 3 little miracles that have come to our home.
Even if they are terd's sometimes.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

This is the difference 13 months makes.
Nada for deep fried foods or diet coke, my loves but it was slowly killing me. 
Started Cardio kick.
Love it! 
I still have so much more work to do but I am getting there.
I really hate the picture on the left. 
Not just cause it was me at my heaviest either.

Friday, September 14, 2012

I like that!

I was out shopping the other day.
This lady comes up to me and says
"Where do you get your hair streaked? They sure do a great job! It's so even, you would never even guess it's fake"
My response?
"My kids streaked my hair"
She looks at me quizzically.
"All these streaks I have in my hair? I have earned them. Each one of them is a grey hair that has been "streaked" by something that happened in my life"

It got me thinking.
A while ago I decided to embrace the grey that I have and not dye my hair.
Some people have said "you are young, it just ages you, dye your hair"
Hello, I am in my mid 30's and people still ask for my parents when people call my house, they ask for my mommy.
When I am out shopping I sometimes get asked if my parents are with me.
I do NOT need to look any younger.
I kinda like my grey's.
I have earned every single one of them.
Mostly not because I WANT to have earned them, just no choice but to earn them.
Sometimes when I am down on myself in a struggle and am most probably earning grey's at a most rapid pace, I try to remind myself that I at least HAVE hair to go grey.

Now I think I will like it even more since it looks like mt hair is nicely streaked!

Sunday, June 24, 2012


I need help with something because I really have not a clue what to do.
L is almost 11.
He is terrified of dogs.
Here is a bit of background.
When he was 2 he had a German Shepherd come up in his face and growl showing his teeth.
He has been scared of dogs ever since.
We have worked SO hard with him to overcome his fear of a dog.
We were doing okay with it until our neighbor's pit bulls got loose and ran and jumped on M.
We are back to square one
It is a million times worse with his sensory issues.
One of his problems is he hears everything.
I can filter out noises, he hears all the  little things we can filter out.

L goes ape when he hears a dog bark.
I am sure it is a combination of fear from what happened when he was 2 and his senses.
If we are outside and he hears someone's keys jingle he is paranoid that it is a dogs tag and he freaks out.
He will not walk by houses that have a front door open or a garage door that is lifted up.
That is the mild part.

This scares the heck out of me and I really do not know what to do.
If we are out and he hears a dog bark, he will run into the street.
He does not care if there is traffic or whatever, he will run into the street.
He did it to ME the other day.
I could tell what he was doing and I was not going fast at all so I was able to stop.
It seriously scares me!
He has run into traffic that is going full speed and have to slam their brakes on to stop for him.
I have said to him, "L, a CAR that hits you at full speed will KILL you or hurt you more than a dog"
He totally acknowledges it but still does it.
This drives me INSANE!
Anyone who is a mom knows my fear of having something happen to one of my kids.
I am worried to go for a walk with him.
He takes off into the street with no warning.

Tips, ideas, hints??
I really have no clue what to do.
Pushing him to be friendly with a dog does not work.

Sunday, April 29, 2012


I have been thinking lately a lot about timing.
You know how you want to do something and accomplish it in a certain amount of time but you don't and you get upset and frustrated? 
Happens to me all the time.
I know, I need to sometimes remember it's not just MY timing, it's the Lord's.

I was thinking specifically this week about Little Miss M.
I was enjoying a day with her, being all girly and emotional and fun like that.
I cannot do some of the girly things I do with her with my boys. 
For some reason, they don't appreciate getting their nails painted.
I was thinking about how grateful I am to have her at THIS TIME in my life.

Oh how I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with L man.
I had a feeling he was a boy but didn't know he was a boy until he was born.
He has filled my life with so much joy and happiness.
He is the one that made me a mother.
He is the one who is loving and tender and can read me and my emotions.
He is one who teaches me on a daily basis about love and kindness.
I am reminded constantly about the Lord's love for me by sending him first to my family.

With B boy, I was pretty sure it was a girl.
It didn't help that when I went to the ultrasound and asked "Can I find out the sex?" the lady said she could not see but that I was NOT to come back because they were busy and she would refuse to let me know if I did come back. 
So when we got to what I thought was the private parts area and didn't see a penis in their I was pretty sure it was a girl.
I was in for a big shot when Jason caught him and proudly announced "It's a boy!"
Oh how B has taught me so much.
He is loving and kind.
He has this smug little smile that has a bit of frustration in it but is full of love.
He is intense and when he sets his mind to something, he does it.
He is courageous! 
He is an athlete thru and thru.
He is passionate about Karate!

I remember the moment I found out I was having a girl.
I was in the ultrasound room.
Yuka, our exchange student, was in the waiting room with 2 very excited little boys.
Mr. M didn't want to know what the sex of the baby was so the deal was I could find out as long as I could keep my big mouth shut.
That's not easy for me!
So, the ultrasound tech asked me "Do you want to know what it is? I got a very good view and could tell you with a 99.9% certainty what it is"
First thing in my mind was "Last time I heard that I was pregnant with L and I said no but he was a boy!" so I was pretty sure my destiny was to be a mother of all boys.
I told her "Sure, I would love to know"
I looked up at the monitor as she typed GIRL.
I bawled! 
I would have been happy with any little boy that came to my family but I was so excited she was a girl!

We kept it quiet until Christmas.
The boys wanted to know and I told Jason if I told them and they gave it up, that was not my fault.
He agreed.
So I told the boys. 
L was SUPER excited it was a girl, B was mad, sad and disappointed.
So the deal was we would pretend it was a boy until we told Mr. M at Christmas.
That made it easy!

When we welcomed her into our lives, we were blessed with a sweet spirit of a very determined little lady who had done nothing but teach us so much about love.

L said to me one day, 
"Mom, I really love M"
"Me too L, me too"
"Mom, I don't think I can explain to you HOW much I love her"
"awww, that's sweet L"
"|Mom, I love her so much, I cannot really explain it" 
We ended that conversation there with a hug and me being grateful for a son that loves his sister so much.

As I think back to me, what I thought my life would be like and what I wanted and expected, I am grateful for a plan that is not just mine, it is the Lord's.
I needed to wait for her.
I needed to be prepared to parent her.
There are many lessons I have learned from my older 2 that helped me to be ready for her.
I am SO grateful the timing is not just mine. 
I am SO grateful for the 3 beautiful souls that have joined our family and that love to be here.
I am grateful for them teaching me.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you" Bumper sticker as quoted by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
You can read the full talk here

I loved it as soon as I heard it. Have I ever made judgments on someone? yes. Am I proud of that? no
Have I ever had someone judge me? yes. Did I like it? no.

I have thought long and hard about the talk that was given just a few weeks ago. I have thought about what I could do to help that talk make me a better person. 

I think when I am frustrated, upset or irritated is when I will usually make judgments (that I can recognize) and so I think when I am frustrated, upset, irritated I will try to be more understanding. I hope that by trying to understand, I will be less judgmental. 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


B wants glasses.
Super bad.
"Mom, I see funny spots"
"Mom, I can't really see this or that"
Funny things he will say whenever he is in the "trying to convince me" phase of him wanting to get glasses.

So we went to the eye Docs the other day.
We did all the family at once so we knew we were good.
I was not able to be in the room with him when the eye Doc was there.
While I was in my appointment we were talking about how the other appointments went.
I said "And B, how are his eyes?"
The Doc looked at me and said "Well he tried really good to get glasses but he has fantastic vision!"

I laughed!
I had not forewarned the Doc or anything.
I love it when kids do funny things.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Called to Serve

When I think of missionaries around the world, I often think of the young men and young women who take the opportunity to serve our Church
I have 4 siblings who have gone and served faithful missions. 
2 in California
1 in Utah
1 in the Philippines. 
I think back to the times they served and remember being able to feel the blessings as each of them served. 
They are all great examples to me and I am grateful for them taking the time in their lives to serve missions and the many people in the communities in which they served.

For the past few years, my parents have talked about getting their papers ready so they could go and serve a mission. 
It has been fun to listen to their plans, hear about the preparations they have been making to go. 
It is not an easy process. 
There are papers you get ready to send in to the Church Headquarter.
Doctors visits to be sure you are healthy to serve.
Interviews with your Bishop and Stake President.

My parents sent in their papers and got their mission call. 
We had to wait a few days for them to open their call.
I am NOT a patient person so for me, it was hard.
I know, I am not the one getting the call.
My family sat around the phone in our home as my parents opened their call.
Some of my siblings were at my parents home, others were on phones.
It was kind of fun to be "together" even though we were not.
We had a family prayer and then waited as they opened their call.
I knew that no matter where they went, they would go happily and serve the people with love.

Let's just say, I learned a thing about geography and world history. 
As my Dad was reading, I heard "You have been called to serve in the Yerevan Armenia mission"
Hello, WHERE?? 
Mr. M pulled it up on the internet right away so we could have a clue as to where my parents were going to be spending 18 months. 
There was much excitement and commotion going on in the back ground so we didn't catch everything that my Dad was saying. 
We figured out a few stats of what life would be like in Armenia for my parents. 
The next day, we get an email from my Mom. 

"In case you are searching about the mission you should be looking at the Republic of Georgia, that is where we will be, as part of the Yerevan Armenia mission. Love ya"

Oh, okay, I missed something in the phone call! 
This is the Republic of Georgia, not the southern drawl Georgia in the southern US.
I think the first time I heard of the Republic of Georgia was a few years ago but never really tried to figure out where it actually was.
Now, I get to hear about what it's like from my parents as they serve there!
My parents will be serving a Humanitarian mission.
That means there are a few differences.
They will wear a white humanitarian badge that will have their first name on it.
Typically, missionaries will wear a black and white badge with the name "Elder" or "Sister" in front of their last name.

There are approximately 180 members of the church in RoG.
The closest Temple is in the Ukraine
Language training is optional. 
That struck me as funny.
They will be speaking Georgian.
Here is there alphabet.
I think it looks cool.

I am proud of my parents for being willing to serve.
I am grateful for my parents being a great example to my children by being willing to serve.
I know they will serve the people with love.
I look forward to the many letters from them as we learn about another part of our world and what it is like for them to live and serve the people in the Republic of Georgia.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Quotes I love....

The last while has been a struggle for me
Wait, is life ever NOT a struggle?
There is not enough words to describe how much I love this quote
I often feel like as a mom, I am not doing enough
"I could have been more patient, I wish I served a better supper, Did I give my kids my full attention"
This being a mom is hard business
Being a mom is NOT for wimps
But I will keep trying everyday 
I have 3 little kids who watch me on a daily basis as I keep trying
Thank HEAVENS they are patient with me
For that, I am grateful

Some days, I really feel like I don't have much purpose
But today I got on pinterest for a moment and this was there
Oh my, I NEEDED it
I think that sometimes realizing that we have a purpose on this earth is often gets lost in the shuffle of life
Taking the time to realize that we DO have a purpose and sometimes thinking about WHAT that purpose is can be humbling but help us grow
This weekend, I loved conference
I loved listening to the talks that were given
It takes me back to one of my very favorite talks from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf given at the Women's session of October 2011 Conference 
You can read the whole talk here

This is my most favorite quote of all times
"Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love"

I know why I love it so much
I am so grateful for those words that were spoken
Sometimes, I feel like they are giving me just that little reminder that yes, I can do it

Saturday, March 31, 2012

L man

I had the opportunity to hang with L the other day.
He is 10 years old and it's not always cool to spend time with your mom.
But it totally rocked!
He loved it but I am pretty sure I loved it more.

L had a retainer about 2 years ago so he occasionally goes back to the orthodontist for a check-up.
The other kids were at school.
I love moments like this that give me the opportunity to spend one on one time with each of the kids.
I often feel like I ripped L off of time when he was a baby because I had B so soon and then had a wicked post-pardum depression.
We have had to learn to work together but I am grateful for his patience with me.

He is so fun and relaxed when it's just us.
His humor is just amazing.
He was running around and being a little bit crazy and he said "I know mom, you are going to want to wrap my mouth up in duct tape!
I am so grateful for times like this that we just love to hang.
(I am really glad I am still cool enough to hang with him!)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Green Eggs

With today being St. Patrick's day, my friend posted something about her favorite green eggs recipe.
It has not a thing to do with food dye!
Here it is, I love it!
Probably will have it for breakfast at least 4 days a week

2 cups of spinach, blended (I put mine in my food processor)
1/4 - 1/2 cup skim milk
as many eggs as you want/need for your family meal

Blend them all together until you cannot tell that it's spinach in there.
Fry them in a pan (or bake them but I could not give you instructions on that like time and temp) until they are done.
You could serve them with mozza or salsa or whatever you like on your eggs.
I would skip the mozza next time. 
I have never had mozza on my eggs until now and don't really like it, that could be just me though.

My friend who gave me the recipe texted me after and said that she blends Laughing Cow cheese IN with the egg mixture. Gonna try that one next time. Thanks T!

Saturday, March 10, 2012


Sometimes that is all we have to give someone.
I have been trying to have better quality time with each of my children.
When they come in from school, instead of washing down a counter while they are telling me about their day, LISTEN to what they say as they sit next to me.
I am loving this!
Today I had Miss M who was not feeling so great but needed to have a bit of quality time.
She chose a walk.
It was a walk around the block.
I loved it that she chose something simple but important to her.
And she was SO happy!
I am grateful for T.I.M.E with each of my children.
And that they WANT to spend time with me too!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


It was so funny when I would tell people I was going to Alaska.
"Why would you go there in winter, most people head to a sunny beach!"
I have 2 important people in my life who live there so it was easy to go!

I am NOT a fan of flying.
At all.
I talked to the doc before we booked the ticket to be sure I could get something to help me out for the flight.
I am not sure if it was the meds that made it easier or a pep talk from my Uncle Rob that made it better but the flights were not as bad as I expected.
The first flight I was lucky to sit next to someone who was just as nervous as I was!
Some how, that helped.

Alaska was just as beautiful as I remembered it.
I don't know what it is about Alaska but I love it.
The people are all so welcoming and polite.
The scenery is amazing.
And they have every speck of snow that we don't have this year.
It's crazy.

This is a picture loaded post.
Most of the pics I have up on my facebook but this post is specifically for family and friends that I don't have on facebook so they can see my pictures.
Feel free to comment though even if you have on facebook!

This is the first thing I noticed when I sat down. 
Not super comforting!

My view while on the tarmac. fun eh?

Notice how much snow there is on these mountains.
These are the rockies as I was leaving Calgary.

I think this is flying into Anchorage. 
I love to see the lights from the air!

I could not figure out how I was supposed to fasten it otherwise, thanks for the tip though!

I just think this is so pretty!

I went on a hike up the side of a mountain and this was the overlook.
Beautiful Eh?

This is the path ahead that we were going to hike on the mountain.

Trusty little companion. 
Spending the week with this little dog made me actually consider wanting one!

We had to stop once we started sinking hip deep

This mountain is called "sleeping lady" 
Can you see her?

This is an artisan well up on the mountain, I thought it was beautiful.

We were trying to climb up the left hand side.

look at all that snow! 
Wild eh?

trying to show the snow.

Husky dog races down the road. 
B is determined to get a husky.

how the dogs travel

I love this sculpture!

but this one should win just on the fact that it has a Canadian flag on it!

This one was amazing to look at!

This was so beautiful to look at! 
The details were so intricate.

I am not a chocolate lover but loved this fountain!

This is leaving Anchorage.
Sorry the pictures are so bad, they had just sprayed de-icer on the wing and it was going all over the window.

Isn't it just beautiful!

Can you see the small glacier in this one?

Does anyone have any clue what this is?
I loved it! 

Monday, March 5, 2012

Momma's girl

M has become a real momma's girl lately.
She goes thru these phases where I am "just a joke"
(I think that's her term to tell me she does not like me. Not that bad of a word when I think of the other options!)
Then she goes thru phases where she really really loves me.
Like wants me to carry her everywhere love.
Like wants to sleep in my bed every night cause she misses me.
Like won't let me go to do laundry by myself.
Like she's attached to my hip kind of a love.
I love it that she really loves me.
I love her too.
Here are some cute pictures of her and I that I took.
She is really into that.
Me, not so much.
But I recently read a blog that encouraged parents to get out behind the camera and take pictures with their kids to have those memories on film.
This is my feeble attempt.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Kub Kar Rally

B was the  only one of our boys who wanted to go in the district rally this year.
He did really good at the ward rally so he was quite confident going in.
L was not so confident so he chose to not go.

On the way to the rally I talked to B about being okay with not winning everything.
He will sometimes have a breakdown in public so I wanted to be sure he knew what I expected out of him (mentally today I could NOT have dealt with a public breakdown)
Maybe that's why he won! haha

He was quite funny when he wanted to come up with his design of his car.
He was very specific and knew how he wanted it to be.
He was blessed to have a poppa who cut it out for him the way he wanted.
He painted it the way he wanted it.
He put his little stickers on it that we searched for!
He called his Grandpa to get his opinions on weights and where to position them.
I guess there is strategy to this thing, at least in the mind of a 8 year old it is!

It was fun to watch him today as the race was happening because I could tell he didn't quite know how to act.
I am proud of him.
He won 3/4 races and had the fastest time of the day 2.8 seconds!
It's fun to be a mom and see when his hard work pays off.
Here are a few pictures.

B and a buddy

"the car"

I found the saying "If you want to be a turd, go lay in the yard" on pinterest. I was thinking that as I was taking this picture!

He r.e.f.u.s.e.d to smile for the pictures. 
Good thing I love him!