“As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise.” Elder Richard G. Scott.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Is it really "the most wonderful time of the year?"

There is this annoying Staples commercial that plays the song, "It's the most wonderful time of the year" to a dad walking thru Staples pulling his kids around on a couch. Obviously, the kids are not happy about it. It drives me crazy. My kids asked me what was the meaning of the commercial. I told them the dad was happy that the kids were leaving home and getting out of his hair. L was appalled and wondered why a parent would be happy that their kids were not around anymore. Didn't the parents love the kids anymore? I took the opportunity to tell him that it probably is not the case, but it is a way of making fun of the kids going back to school. He then shocked me and asked me if I thought it was the most wonderful time of the year and was happy to have him go to school.

No, not at all. I have really loved this summer. I know, you must be thinking I am certifiably insane. SERIOUSLY, after I spent all summer alone with the kids and I really loved it? YOU BET! I have been able to bond with my kids in the most amazing way. They are known "daddy's kids" and with him not here this summer, it was really a great opportunity to get to know them with me being the only parent here. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I would NEVER want to be a single mom on a permeanent basis, but since he was gone anyways, I took the opportunity to get to know them on a much deeper level. They in turn have learned that I am kind of o.k and I think they like me!

As I prepared to send them to school, I am hoping that we are able to keep the bond up. This year will be a busy one. Mr. Miller is doing his thesis, I am working on our food storage and making sure we have much more than the basics. Lincoln we know is going in behind the 8ball. He still struggles with math and reading. He has improved so much over the summer. B is a child who we need to keep challenging. School comes easy to him, so keeping him occupied with lots of diffrent activities will be our challenge. M will keep me running! Today at church, a lady was shocked that she is 19 months because she is so tiny. She eats so much, buts burns it off so quick. Helping her to learn to be obedient and helpful will be my main challenge.

Is it really the most wonderful time of the year? No, I would much rather have my kids at home with me. I love having them around. I appreciate their smiles, their funness, their appreciativeness.(no clue if that's a word or just one I made up). They are wonderful children who light up my life. The challenge me as a person everyday to want to be better, want to do more, want to make changes for the better. Do I really want them to be gone every day? No. I would like to home school, but I am not there yet. One day.

Is it truly the most wonderful time of the year, NO. I would much rather sing that time at Christmas. For me, THAT is the most wonderful time of the year.

Friday, August 28, 2009

what to say

My feelings and emotions have been all over the map lately. Life has been busy, still being blessed with food to can. We got 2 zucchini's today. YUMMY! I love Zucchini. It is one of those foods that you can use right away, or can freeze and use at another time. We are so blessed to have this food given to us. It really has been an interesting process. I really only knew a very few things about canning, and what I did know, was from when I was a kid who begrudgingly would help my mother. Now, I am the mother who has kids that "help" me. I have found a ricer that I LOVE. It has made my life so much easier!

My kids are going back to school. I am happy for them to go. I am ready for them to go. They really are fabulous kids who just are amazing. L we know is still behind the 8ball, but I talked for a few minutes with his teacher to arrange a meeting with her and talk about a plan of action to have him caught up. I really like her. She has been teaching for quite a few years, so it will be nice to have someone who is comfortable in their profession.

B is more than ready to go back. I am really hoping that he can get over his separation anxiety. That was a big problem last year. He is older and wiser. He is a kid who gets it and am really hoping that his teacher will challenge him.
Miss M will be crying harder than I will this year. She really loves to spend time with the boys. She has had such a fabulous time with the boys this summer. She is a riot.

I am greatful for prayer. We have been praying more as a family. Trying to teach the kids to be more meaningful in their prayers. We have been able to have some great talks regarding it. I was able to meet someone online who wants to go back to church! I am so happy for her and the decision she made.

I am missing my extended family. We saw them this summer, it is so hard to not be closer. It was so wonderful to spend time with them. They really mean so much to me.

Good night!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

feeling so Blessed

So, I made the decision last year to really work on my food storage. We had very little in the way of food storage. You know, a few token bags of wheat, a little Barley, and rice. You know, we would be o.k. We would have enough. HA, yeah right. When I first sat down and really realized what we would NEED, I thought we would have to win the lottery to get to that point. We were so far behind the 8ball. We made the decision to do it. Get a food storage. We have come so far and are counting our blessings. In December, we had a fire in our house. We were able to take some of the money from our insurance payout and really get alot of our basics filled up for 1 year.

My goal this summer was to get alot of the non basics but still necessary to have a better food storage. more variety. We have been so blessed to have alot of free food given to us so it can grow. Apples seem to be blooming everywhere. I have been juicing and saucing up a storm. Today, I went to my friends mothers home and picked chokecherry's. I got almost 6 quarts of juice, to be made into Jelly and syrup later! SO greatful for that blessing. I am really excited about this canning season! I am loving it so far and greatful for the free food that I have been blessed with to help our food storage grow!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Little Miss M

Little Miss M runs the house. She has since I was pregnant with her. I have never felt so exhausted in my whole life! ALL I wanted to do was SLEEP! I had B at home with me, so it did not happen as much as I would like, but I sure had fun being pregnant her and having 2 older kids at home. They both really helped me to appreciate being pregnant as everything kick that I had with her was rejoiced! They loved the ultrasounds. During one of them, she stuck up her hand as if to say "Hi", it was so cute because you know,she was only saying hi to them.

She was not a surprise, just a long time coming and was so worth the wait! We knew and felt like there was another little one for us, but after having had post pardum depression after B, we were nervous. We knew we could not have another one and live in Fort Mac, which was good that we felt like we should move. Mr. Miller quit his job in Fort Mac at the end of May. We knew he would work until the end of June, so we figured we would have time for him to get a job as lots of jobs are ended in June. June came and went with lots of interviews, but no job. At the beginning of July, he got a phone call From his current district looking for an interview as a principal of Manyberries. They could either do it via confrence call or in person. We were going to the Hat at the end of July, and they were o.k waiting until then to interview him, so that's how it happened. We were relieved when he got the job.

When we moved to the Hat, I was about 6 weeks pregnant, but lost that little one on Sept 30th. We felt comfortable with waiting, and when we became pregnant with Little Miss M, we were THRILLED! and nervous because of my past experience. The pregnancy was great. On Feb 3rd, I was laying on the couch and tried to get up and had 1 massive contraction. I could not move, so was stuck in the crouching position, half way up and half way down. Mr. Miller came out to help. The next day, if I was up and moving, I was having contractions. Mr. Miller was at work and had a very important meeting that night and so I wanted to postpone labor, if at all possible. I would lay down on the couch and write a list of things I had to do when I got up for a pee break. I would complete my list, and lay back down. At about 5, I started to have a few contractions here and there, no matter if I was laying around or not. I was determine dto let Jason have his meeting! I fed the kids and our exchange student, Y, got them ready for bed and helped clean up. Mr. Miller called at 8:50 and said he was on his way home. I told him to check messages with the person he was carpooling with, just incase something happened. at 9pm, my contractions came, 5 mins apart, no stopping. I was trying to lay the kids down with contractions, but everytime I had one, the boys would panic. (No home births for me!) I called my inlaws, they came over. 3 minutes apart. I called and left a message for Mr. Miller to hurry home. 5 mins later, I left a message for him to get to the hospital! I was on my way, just not sure if I was in labour. I got to the hospital at 9:45 and Jason got there at 9:55. I was still not sure I was in labour! Well, when they checked me and I was 4cm, I knew I was! I begged for an epidural, no such luck. I begged for drugs and was told I would get them right away when I got out of the shower. HALF AN HOUR LATER... I got my drugs! Seriously, if I am told I will get them ASAP, I expect them ASAP!!!

Little Miss M was born at 1:57 am on February 5th. She is such a blessing in our lives. Everyone told me girls are so prissy and girly, well, not her. She is happiest when she is wrestling, playing pokemon, roughousing with her brothers! I would have it no other way. She is such a blessing! As with our other children, I definitley know that the Lord knows what he is doing.

Love you M!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

My Berkley Boo

My second son ceases to amaze me. Mr. Miller was bugging me one day about being grouchy and said, "Maybe you should take a pregnancy test, I think you are pregnant." I took one to prove him wrong. Well, we all know who was proved wrong. He was due on Mr. Miller's Birthday, May 13th. We were managing an apartment in Fort McMurray and had 4 apartments to clean and paint from April 30th until May 3rd. Mr. Miller took a few days off work because I was stressed I would not get all the work done before I had our new little being. It was accomplished. MAJOR phew!

I impatiently went overdue with him again. HELLO, could I NOT go into labour on your own? I was induced on May 22nd. The doctor left and said, " I will see you in the morning", meaning he would see me at 8 am, not 1am like he did. It was a wonderful quick labor and much to my surprise, it was a BOY! I had been expecting a girl, but pleasantly surprised to have my little boy.

I had Post-pardum depression after B. In August, I hit a wall. I was done for. I had come home from the hospital and went back to work. It was my job and somene had to do it. I was exhausted and beat, lucky tto sleep an hour a night, more likely 1/2 hour. It was hell. 1 year of pure hell. I am GLAD though that I had it. I hope it made me a better person. I know from my having talked about it, people are more aware of what can happen after a child is born. If the pain I went thru was able to help just one person or possibly save their whole life, I would go thru it again. I had an amazing support and will always be greatful for that. When people ask me for advice on what to expect after having a baby, I will always tell then to watch their sleep and do not be afraid to ask for help.

He is the busiest little boy around. Always on the go. Why sit still when you can move, that's what I often think must be going thru his head. Loving and tender, caring and warm. He is one of the most loving souls I know. A smile on his face as he runs home from school, as I see him after church. How blessed we are to have him in our lives.

His latest saying is "Careful is my middle name" Trust me, it's not!

We definitley know that the Lord knows what he was doing when he sent him to our home. He is a most wonderful and loving child. Lately, he willnot go anywhere without me which drives me crazy, but I really love having him around.

Love ya B!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Auntie Jo

It's a name I have been called for 14.5 years. I do not remember if it was a name I gave myself, or if it was one that was given to me by my niece, A. At that time in my life, I was going by Josie. It was a kind of easy name to say, but hey, Jo is easier. It is one I love to hear as much as Mom. As mom, I have to be the hard one, the one that does not always give kids their way. As "auntie Jo", I get to be the fun one, the one that gives them what they want. I only get to see them every now and then, so it is my time to let loose and have fun. I love them all so much. I love to see their successes in life. I love their develpoment.

I look at my life and when I have felt true joy. Before I became a mother, it was any moment I gt to spend with a nephew or niece. I remember the first time I met each and everyone of them. Most were VERY emotional. If any of you REALLY know me, that will not come as a surprise. The second I saw them, they slipped into my heart. So much fun and have been had since then. I marvel at how mature they are. They have gone from these little humans to now some teenagers, pre-teens and toddlers.

I hope that I always get to be "auntie Jo" no matter how old they get. It is such a fun responsibility. I really wish I could explain how much they really mean to me. I cannot. So, I spoil them. It is a title I hold high LOVE IT!!! And all my love to them all.