“As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise.” Elder Richard G. Scott.

Sunday, April 29, 2012


I have been thinking lately a lot about timing.
You know how you want to do something and accomplish it in a certain amount of time but you don't and you get upset and frustrated? 
Happens to me all the time.
I know, I need to sometimes remember it's not just MY timing, it's the Lord's.

I was thinking specifically this week about Little Miss M.
I was enjoying a day with her, being all girly and emotional and fun like that.
I cannot do some of the girly things I do with her with my boys. 
For some reason, they don't appreciate getting their nails painted.
I was thinking about how grateful I am to have her at THIS TIME in my life.

Oh how I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with L man.
I had a feeling he was a boy but didn't know he was a boy until he was born.
He has filled my life with so much joy and happiness.
He is the one that made me a mother.
He is the one who is loving and tender and can read me and my emotions.
He is one who teaches me on a daily basis about love and kindness.
I am reminded constantly about the Lord's love for me by sending him first to my family.

With B boy, I was pretty sure it was a girl.
It didn't help that when I went to the ultrasound and asked "Can I find out the sex?" the lady said she could not see but that I was NOT to come back because they were busy and she would refuse to let me know if I did come back. 
So when we got to what I thought was the private parts area and didn't see a penis in their I was pretty sure it was a girl.
I was in for a big shot when Jason caught him and proudly announced "It's a boy!"
Oh how B has taught me so much.
He is loving and kind.
He has this smug little smile that has a bit of frustration in it but is full of love.
He is intense and when he sets his mind to something, he does it.
He is courageous! 
He is an athlete thru and thru.
He is passionate about Karate!

I remember the moment I found out I was having a girl.
I was in the ultrasound room.
Yuka, our exchange student, was in the waiting room with 2 very excited little boys.
Mr. M didn't want to know what the sex of the baby was so the deal was I could find out as long as I could keep my big mouth shut.
That's not easy for me!
So, the ultrasound tech asked me "Do you want to know what it is? I got a very good view and could tell you with a 99.9% certainty what it is"
First thing in my mind was "Last time I heard that I was pregnant with L and I said no but he was a boy!" so I was pretty sure my destiny was to be a mother of all boys.
I told her "Sure, I would love to know"
I looked up at the monitor as she typed GIRL.
I bawled! 
I would have been happy with any little boy that came to my family but I was so excited she was a girl!

We kept it quiet until Christmas.
The boys wanted to know and I told Jason if I told them and they gave it up, that was not my fault.
He agreed.
So I told the boys. 
L was SUPER excited it was a girl, B was mad, sad and disappointed.
So the deal was we would pretend it was a boy until we told Mr. M at Christmas.
That made it easy!

When we welcomed her into our lives, we were blessed with a sweet spirit of a very determined little lady who had done nothing but teach us so much about love.

L said to me one day, 
"Mom, I really love M"
"Me too L, me too"
"Mom, I don't think I can explain to you HOW much I love her"
"awww, that's sweet L"
"|Mom, I love her so much, I cannot really explain it" 
We ended that conversation there with a hug and me being grateful for a son that loves his sister so much.

As I think back to me, what I thought my life would be like and what I wanted and expected, I am grateful for a plan that is not just mine, it is the Lord's.
I needed to wait for her.
I needed to be prepared to parent her.
There are many lessons I have learned from my older 2 that helped me to be ready for her.
I am SO grateful the timing is not just mine. 
I am SO grateful for the 3 beautiful souls that have joined our family and that love to be here.
I am grateful for them teaching me.

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