“As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise.” Elder Richard G. Scott.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Death

I know, the title sounds so bad, but I really didn't know what to call it so I called it that.

As a kid, I experienced only a few deaths but often viewed them as "The circle of life"
The one that I remember the most was when my uncle N died.
He was young and married with a wife and 3 kids left to mourn his passing.
He and his wife had already buried 2 little children who passed away together while they were cracking ice on the pond on their farm.
I still remember to this day the look on his wife and 3 childrens faces.
I don't think I will ever forget it.
I was in grade 5 and had worked so hard all year to get 100% attendance at school.
I had to leave the last 2 days before the end of school.
Mr. Campbell, the principal at the school knew how hard I worked and gave me the award anyways knowing that it was something really beyond my control.
That was the kindness and compassion I saw in death.
I remember the first time someone in our ward passed away.
It was once again a young father with 5 little children.
I remember feeling so sad for the children that they would not have their father, but more sad for the mother who would not have her companion.
I know the Lord has blessed the.
I saw our ward really rally to help her and the children.
I saw compassion and love in action.
I buried FAR TOO MANY friends in high school.
Some family, but mostly friends.
Their funerals were so sad.
So final.
I hated going but felt the pull to say goodbye.
It has been a while since I had to go.
Now, it's been 2 in 2 months.
2 young really amazing men who have helped shape me and who I am.
THAT is what makes me the saddest.
The first was our really good friend from Edmonton.
Mr. Miller and him lived in the same "big house" along with so many other guys.
Sometimes I look at some of the crazy things we did with him and think of how greatful I am that he just let us help him live.
He always said he wanted to live to live, not live to die.
He did that.
He had Muscular Dystrophy.
He was not supposed to make it out of his teens.
HA!
ALMOST made it to 31.
His 4th child was born 5 weeks later on what would have been his 31st birthday.
The tender mercies of the Lord.
He was blessed with an amazing wife who is strong and will continue to raise them in the gospel.
The next fine gentleman was my cousin, J.
34 years old.
I have been trying to figure out how to describe him.
He was different and knew it but didn't really care.
He accepted people as he wanted to be accepted.
He loved you for who you are, not who you wanted others to think you were.
He loved you unconditionally.
I do not think I have EVER SEEN HIM MAD!
I know, pretty amazing but really true.
He could have probably felt like he had every right to be mad.
We all feel that at some time in our lives.
Nope, he would just smile that wonderful smile and say Thank-you and go about his day.
That was who he was.
I remember being new in the young adult ward in Edmonton, not really too sure if I wanted to be there or not.
Who do I see but J, talking to a girl, trying to get her to go out with him.
Most people would go about their day and wave kindly.
Not J.
J looked at the girl and said, "Just a minute" came over to me and said
"Hey cuz, I just wanted to say hi and I miss you" and gave me a great big hug.
I was thinking that of all people who really would understand how nice and important what he did, it would be him.
He didn't get the date but as he said,
"anyone who don't have the patience for that, I don't have the time to get to know them."
FAMILY was important and I was family.
He LOVED women.
Loved but respected them.
Never married.
I have been thinking alot the past week about the time I have spent with him in my life and how richly blessed it has become.
Now, as I go on, they are memories that one cannot erase, but know that I will not be able to make any more memories with him.
I have been thinking of how unfair death is to those left behind.
YES, I do know I will see him again, I am greatful for my saviour Jesus Christ and his sacrifice so we can see each other again.
It's really hard for us as we go thru the stages of mourning his death.
It is hard as I wonder if he knew how important he was to me in my life.
It is hard as I wonder if I was nice enough to him.
It is hard as I wonder if I did enough for him.
I am sure I will get to hear him yell (if it's allowed in heaven) a great big, "CUZ!"
I just miss him.
His death has affected me more than I thought it would.
I am not sure why, but it has.
I think it's because when one was around J, you KNEW you were loved, appreciated and important to him.
My cousin J is also the youngest son of my uncle N.
I feel for my aunt, who has now buried more than half her children and a spouse.
I am greatful for her strength and faith as I saw her at the funeral.
I am greatful for her and having J so I could have a great cousin who I love and who loved me back.
I only hope he knows how much he means to me.
That he is really special in my life and has helped influence me.
I thank him for his life and who he was and the strength and confidence he had as he went thru life.
I thank him for being an amazing cousin.
I love him and will see him again.

3 comments:

Lindsay said...

This was beautiful Jocelyn! Sorry to hear about your good friend and cousin passing away. It's never easy, but it sure helps knowing we get to see these people again! Hugs xx

JRoberts said...

So I just realized my feed doesn't update when you do. So I missed all your great posts! Sorry I am not on the ball.

This particular one was so moving. I can feel your love for them. Funerals are so hard, but made easier knowing what we do. How greatful I am for a loving Father in Heaven who saw fit to give us his Only Begotten. What a wonderful gift! I am so excited to celebrate his life this year!

Christal said...

Love this post good thing we have the gospel what a blessing it is isn't it! Sorry for your loss and your poor aunt I can't imagine. It does make you sit back and be more thankful for all that we have doesn't it! Life is short!