“As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise.” Elder Richard G. Scott.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

my weight

I am fat, I know that.
It has taken me a while to come to terms with that and really admit that.
I know what you are all thinking, "How did she not notice????????????"
It's not that I didn't notice.
I just didn't really deal with the facts.
I can look in the mirror and SEE that I am fat, but just ignored it.

I have bee doing alot of observing of people lately.
The skinny ones, middle weights and the heavier ones.
I watch and see how much more easier it is for the skinnier ones to move.
As I watch people and see the heavier people have a harder time get around, I wonder.
"how long will it be until I am like that"
"how long will it be until I get easily winded when I walk"
"how long will it be until I find myself sitting down more than standing"
"how long will it be until I cannot cross my legs anymore"
"how long will it be until I cannot run and do activities with my kids"
"how long will it be until I cannot do the things I love because my weight is too high"
  "how long will it be until I die because of my weight"

I already "am like that"
I already get winded
I already am sitting more than standing
I can still cross my legs!
I already have a hard time getting out with L and kicking the soccer ball and running after the kids
I already have limited the things I love because of my weight.
I am obviously not dead, but wonder if I keep it up, will I die an early death.

 The one person who is SOLELY responsible for my weight is ME!
I know that, I am not stupid.
There are changes that I have to make, but they are hard!
I have to feel that I AM WORTH IT, and no, I do not feel like I am worth the work.
Is that an excuse, maybe, but I do not feel like I am worth it.

So, some changes have to be made.
First and formost, my eating habits.
They are HORRIBLE!!!!
If the food is greasy, gross and bad for you, I love it.
Don't know why, just do.
I have to excersize.
I hate going to the gym.
All those skinny folks running around looking at the fat chick, I hate.
I know, I should not care, but I do.
So, for a while, I will do it in my home.
I am trying to come up with a time and workouts I will like so I can do it here.

Any POSITIVE encouragement would be accepted!


JRoberts said...

I have an excellent DVD (I need to do it more, because like you, I had a wake up call 2 days ago) it is pilates in 10 min segments. If you are interested I can let you know the deets.

Also, Weight watchers. They are amazing! They teach you how to portion control. If you don't have time to go to them there is an online version. It is great to have and you DO loose weight. It is also one of the only diets that Dr's will reccomend as they teach you how to eat, not put you on a pill.

I am totally with you and feel that pain. It is devistating to realize that you are bigger than you should be. (even if you are 6 feet tall and can hide it better than when you are 5 feet!) :)

I wish you luck in your goals...they are much similar to mine!

Alison said...

You can do it. I know you can! Just don't stop. If you ever feel like stopping let me know and I can give you some incouragement. I know what it's like to be overweight and to lose weight and the whole journey of it. It's tough, but you have to believe you can do it. All the work is worth it. Remember, everything good in life takes work to get.

*K* said...

Joc, I feel EXACTLY like you..except I can't cross my legs, and u can (jealous!) Honestly, when I look at you I don't see ur weight. I see an individual who helped me feel more comfortable in 1st ward. And the whole gym thing- i SO get it. I hate going to gyms and I am scared to go to a gym for the same reason as you. So, I have a Gazelle machine and use it for 35 mins every day(adding time on it every month of course) I make it fun by listening to music I love really loud. It pumps me up and helps me do it everyday. It's been 3 weeks and I'm already starting to notice positive changes, maybe not so much with my weight, but mentally and emotionally. Good lukc with it and if you ever need to talk u know where u can reach me!!

Jocelyn said...

Jaime, I would love to know the name of your pilates video. I really have zero flexibility. If I get the name of it, I can see if the Library has is and just get it from them and you could keep it at your house and do it to!

Alison, I really appreciate the encouragement because I have SEEN you be successful, and it is nice to know someone who has been there and been successful at it!

Krystal, I think you are so kind and one day, we will sit next to each other and each of us cross our legs! THAT will be cool!

I also really appreciate how much encouragement you have all given me, diffrent things you do to work out and putting your faith in me. This is something I have to do, and glad that I am NOT alone. Please let me know if I can do anything for YOU as well. I think if we can all kee up with the positive encouragement we can help alot of people become successful. It is so easy to live a life of unhappiness and being overweight, but it is more IMPORTANT that we help others to be healthy.


Lindsay said...

Go Jocelyn! I hear you about the gym thing. Ugh. But they are all there for the same thing.. You can do it girl, you are amazing!

JRoberts said...

It is the "Crunch" series. It is called "Pick your spot Pilates" There are 4 workouts each 10 min. You can choose Belly, butt or thighs or total body.

Something my sister does that I am going to start is "writing" the alphabet with her legs while lying on her back. She lifts her legs and forms the ABC's in the air with her feet. This tones the belly, butt and thighs. I can only get to G or H before I get really shaky...my goal is to be able to do them all before I get shaky. :)